Article 24

January 14, 2013, 4:57 am

This Is Why I Love Martin Short

I think Mr. Short could possibly be the funniest man alive. Even his name is kind of funny! Although it would be funnier if he was taller.

Here are my top nine reasons why you should make yourself a fan of Martin Short TODAY!

1. He's kind of scary.

One of the greatest successes of his humour is that it always seems to border on the insane. He's wound up so tight you could mistake him for a clock part. He's intense, weird, and shrieks often. See his portrayal of Jack Frost in the 'Santa Claus' franchise, or his Mad Hatter for reference.

2. He is Steve Martin's best friend/valet.

They get colonoscopies together.

3. His role in the 'Father Of The Bride' films.

He played Franck, the events planner. I sang “Every party needs a pooper that's why we invited you, you party pooper, you party pooper” for years and years after seeing this film. Often at very inappropriate moments. Like funerals.

4. His Parties.

I have heard from inside Hollywood sources that Martin Short's parties are the best parties. Everyone from comedy goes, all the legends. It's the greatest invite in town.

5. This photograph:

He and Steve Martin took it when they were on holiday together. It was their way of deterring the paparazzi from taking photos of them and their wives in their beach outfits.

6. Jiminy Glick

He has a character called Jiminy Glick who is a Hollywood interviewer. Glick has been around for years but still seems to know very little about popular culture. Glick has serious issues when it comes to controlling the volume of his voice, and often unknowingly insults his guests by mispronouncing their names. Then he falls off his chair.

7. He coined the term "muck mouth"

8. 'Get Over It'.

This is one of my favourite teen films, and it's also one that's grossly overlooked. The stars of this heartbreak in technicolour are billed as Kirsten Dunst and Ben Foster (who?), but they're nothing, NOTHING compared to the performance of Mr. Short. He's brassy, he's hideous, he's probably constipated. Playing Dr. Desmond Forest Oates, the clichéd drama-teacher-with-delusions-of-grandeur-part, he twists himself into something psychotic with frosted tips. Some of his best moments are derived from his treatment of his assistant, who is just a student. Obviously there are no clips on YouTube to prove this point, but here are some quotes from IMDB:

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates
What direction do you think "left" is? See, because if you go with your instinct and reverse it, I think we have something happening. How difficult is this? I'm so alone, I think.

Assistant
I am trying. You are intimidating me.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates
Well you are FRIGHTENING me. You understand that? How do you get dressed in the morning? Do you have people come in, or do you just lie in state?

9. He looks a bit like a woman.

Amen. xxx

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Article 23

January 14, 2013, 8:34 am

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I love this band and I love this song and I love this video.

They're called Thumpers. When I was a kid I had a stuffed Thumper from Bambi and I took it everywhere with me. However my attachment to that toy is completely unrelated to my love of this band.

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Article 22

January 14, 2013, 8:35 am

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This is all kinds of LOL and ADORABLE

Thanks to Jeremy for reading reddit constantly and insisting on showing me all his discoveries.

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Article 21

January 15, 2013, 7:14 am

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I said on twitter this morning that I felt sad about HMV closing. Mainly because of the many hours I spent in there as a teenager, in DM's and a crushed velvet waistcoat, vainly trying to pick which CD to spend my money on when I couldn't remember the names of the bands John Kennedy played on XFM. It was also where I would go on those first formative "dates", heart racing as I pushed around the band T-shirts, wondering if I had food in my teeth. I don't know how much money I spent there over the years, but it was enough to feel invested. And even when I graduated onto independents and Saves The Day, I would still visit from time to time, picking up cut price VHS for my burgeoning collection of teen films.

I haven't been in an HMV for a while though. The last time was just before Christmas two years ago, desperately looking for something to buy my Dad. (Despite the rush, I am sure I found time to see if they were stocking our album...) As this excellent Clash article points out, HMV's closure had been on the card for a couple of years, but I never really thought it would happen, the same way I don't think I will ever actually poo myself in public. It could happen, but it probably won't, right?

As a selfish and egocentric human being, I can't help but wonder what this will mean for us. I want to be in a band for a long time. I want to have kids someday. I want to have the option of sending them to university. We could quit and get another job - well I could, but I don't think Jeremy would ever be able to do anything other than music. Not because he's really thick, but because he has this incredibly irritating need for it. I have to beg him for days off. He would be making music if no one cared. If he spent every evening doing open mic nights in High Barnet.

I know that HMV isn't just closing because of piracy. Online shopping is AMAZING. But it still makes me think about it. Full disclosure: I'm a hypocrite I've pirated stuff. I don't know anyone who hasn't. Except my parents, but they're obviously angels or something. It really is the future. And I get that it's going to happen, I don't mind it that much. It's just sitting in this studio making our second album I want to feel like what we're doing everyday has value. We get so much support and I love the people who come to our shows, and I feel so lucky. I really do, everyday. But sometimes it's so gutting when you go to a place, and the 500 capacity room sells out, people singing along, but you know in that country you haven't sold any records. (That said I would love to have a bootlegged copy of our album. Especially if the artwork is misspelled. Let me know if you have one?)

The people who are really suffering though, are the labels. Yep, those big corporate monsters. Those evil A&R guys getting huge pay checks, chatting shit in Bardens, promising the world to teenagers. We've had our fair share of major label horror stories, we know people who've had their dreams crushed. But at the end of the day those are just people. People living in weird music industry world, but still. And yes, they're gambling everyday. But they're just investors. They're not the devil. When they say a band is going to be big, they have every faith that it will be. They're not slinking off to their mansions and rubbing their hands with evil glee, knowing it's not going to work, they're probably slinking off to the mansions and trying not to consider that it might not work and they might lose their job. Again. I think it makes it easier to pirate when you hate labels. But if there were no labels it would be messy for bands. I can't imagine trying to deal with distribution and marketing, as well as writing songs and doing artwork. Never mind not having anyone to tell us that Jeremy rapping was a really, really awful idea.

I really hope that there is some sort of solution, and this all gets worked out. I have faith that it will. If it doesn't I guess we'll just be the new Von Trapps and make our poor illiterate children go on tour with us constantly.

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Article 20

January 17, 2013, 12:54 am

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Open Letter To Lizzy Caplan

Dear Lizzy,

I've been holding off writing this for a while. There is so much I need to say to you, so many feelings. I think about you often, which makes me feel like you must think about me too. But no, why would you? You have literally no idea I even exist. And yet...Maybe? Maybe I haunt your dreams. Maybe you see my face around, in a way that isn't creepy and implies some sort of mental instability. Anyway. Here is what I have to say.

1. Why do you spell your name Lizzy? With a "y"? We have the same first name which is at once both interesting and a complete non-event, but I choose to go with the actual name whereas you seem to want to shorten it to the smallest version possible. I mean, it's not even a name any more. It's barely a sound. The irony is, all it makes me wonder is "why?"

2. You're allegedly dating Matthew Perry. Sorry for saying "allegedly", it makes it seem like it's something to be ashamed of. Like, "You allegedly have exploding diarrhea every Wednesday at 4pm". I don't think there is anything shameful about dating Mr. Perry. He seems funny and handsome. But late at night, when you're lying in bed together, do you ever talk about Gunther?

3. You were in 'Freaks and Geeks' AND 'Party Down'. High five. Oh I missed :(

4. In the film 'Bachelorette' you played a mean woman who took a lot of drugs. What do people use for drugs in films? Is it icing sugar? I imagine snorting that would really hurt your teeth. I don't know why.

5. What is the last thing you search-engined? Mine was, "What is google?" The answer was really, really boring.

6. You played the best character in 'Mean Girls'. That's not an opinion, it's a fact. You had to wear a lot of long brown skirts and thick socks and tights. Were you really hot on set? How did you keep your fluids up? I know we're supposed to drink 8 pints of water a day but does chocolate milk count?

7. You're in the upcoming series 'Masters of Sex' with Michael Sheen. He was in the Twilight films, did you know that? I really hope so or filming could have been very awkward. Don't you think kissing a vampire would be gross? They're all cold and grey and probably taste of blood.

8. Why don't you bring out a line of fashion hats, or caps, that people wear when they're using an LAN network. You could call them Caps for Lan. Or maybe something shorter?

9. I just screamed your name really loud, did you hear it?

Please get back to me ASAP.
xxxx

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Article 19

January 23, 2013, 3:12 am

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I love a good comeback. As in a person bouncing back from something to the spotlight, not that spirit of the stairs stuff. I love it when someone is riddled with problems, or becomes a laughing stock, or has a terrible stylist, and you write them off, but then BAM here they are five years later and suddenly they seem really down to earth and appealing.

But my absolute favourite comeback has to be that of Gary Barlow.

There was a documentary about Take That in 2005 called 'Take That: For The Record', which was shown on TV ten years after they broke up. It seems completely insane to me that in 2005 they'd been apart for a decade. Barlow was only 34 in 2005?! But 1995's emergency helplines set up for teenage girls, suicidal over the loss of Mark Owen et al, seem like a hundred years ago. The documentary is on YouTube in eleven parts. I strongly recommend all the people of all the world watch it.

It starts off with VH1 style "memories" of "the boys" before they were "famous". We're obsessed with seeing people before they're famous. Then it cuts to them high kicking in what appears to be a string vest and stockings in a huge arena. Mark Owen pushing through a crowd of crazed females, his silky curtains flapping around his face. Howard, during his eyebrow ring and dreadlocks phase wearing a women's bra, and Howard again. His talking head sat almost directly in front of a painting of his head.

It continues. Jason's chiseled jaw discussing the heady days of his close friendship with Lulu and the wanking competitions they had in the tour bus (the band had wanking competitions, he and Lulu probably didn't). And then there's Gary. Gary's sweet face warbling at a model. Gary with bleached blonde hair and a torso covered in whipped cream and jelly. Poor old Gary*.

I didn't like Take That. They seemed really wet and boring to me. But a couple of years ago my friend was working with Gary and he started to sound like a pretty brilliant guy. He was writing his own songs from a young age, touring the working mens clubs when he was 16, partially paid in pork scratchings. He almost won a 'Pebble Mill' Christmas song competition.

I think 'Pebble Mill' was a TV show, but it sounds like where the rats live in Sylvanian Families.

When Take That started in 1990, 19 year old Barlow was appointed the lead singer. He must have been giddy with joy, but instead of being recognised as a strong songwriter, he was called a chubby (he's since described being overweight as "horrible"). Can you imagine his despair?

Look at him in 2005. Full of despair in his palatial mansion.

But apparently me not liking Take That did little to affect their success. They were huge. They were inescapable. They were so annoying. They were crapping out number one singles and albums steadily during the first half of the 90's. Despite the fact their stylist clearly wanted to humiliate them.

I actually kind of like the middle look now.

(If you want to read about what it was like for Gary to be famous, I recommend this article).

Girls went absolutely push-the-pram-over nuts for them.

This woman used to point to the TV when they were on and say to her three year old, "That's daddy".

And of course it was always Gary who won the Ivor Novellos. The BRIT awards. The GQ awards! But still. Respect from the public always seemed out of his grasp. And, really, what's money and industry recognition if CPI from Shangai still says, "He's nobody! We are not interested about him".

That's got to hurt.

Look at him here in 2005, feeling hurt as he sings at his grand piano. His beautiful children cuddling him.

After Take That, Gary carried on writing and recording. He boarded that lonely ship "solo career" and weathered its ever-changing seas for two albums. All respect to him, recording vocals on a boat would be really hard. His first album, 'Open Road' (should have gone with a driving metaphor) did very well, selling 2 million copies worldwide. Alright Gary!

But his second album? I can only describe it patronisingly as "not bad". It trundled its way up the charts, collapsing well outside the top ten, and led to the end of his contract with BMG. He only sold 5 million records as a solo artist. How incredibly embarrassing.

Gary tumbled into a disappointing life of writing for little-known Welsh artists like Shirley Bassey and Charlotte Church, and high profile charity work. It was a sad and desperate time, which greatly mirrored the tragic demise of other excellent poets like Wilde and the guy from Babylon Zoo.

However, in 2006, a year after the documentary was broadcast, Take That announced they would be returning to the business as an ensemble. They released a new album 'Beautiful World' and literally, everyone, like, freaked out. Gary was thin! He had stubble! He let other people sing his songs! The cover was sepia! It was an obvious and undeniable hit. No longer would Gary be at the mercy of songstresses from the Mumbles. He finally had the recognition he deserved, and I think this was mainly down to his pairing of blue-toned-suits with deep-v-neck-T-shirts.

So the next time you're feeling down about where your life is headed, remember Barlow. The man who had it all, then sunk to awful chubby lows, then ended up with an OBE and a job on X Factor.

Everything changes. Including you.

*Some tool called Robbie is also present in the documentary.

DISCLAIMER: I genuinely love Barlow and think he's incredibly talented. Feel like I need to make that clear to stop people who did things like this outside Mark Owen's house:

from sending me hate mail.

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Article 18

January 30, 2013, 12:58 pm

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CONSPIRACY WEDNESDAY

Has anyone else noticed that Nicholas Hoult has grown up to look very similar to Hugh Grant?

And there were both in 'About A Boy' together when Hoult was a kid, but not playing father and son.

I don't know what the hell is going on here, but I'm going to find out.

I also don't know why Nicholas Hoult isn't wearing a top in his head shot. At my drama school that would have been very much "frowned upon".

(Fun fact: I was once in the same pub as Hoult and he had trouble finding the toilet. This may or may not be related to the conspiracy).

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Article 17

February 1, 2013, 5:38 am

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DRUMS DAY BLOG

Today we are spending the day in the studio with our producer for the second album, Stephen Street, and our amazing drummer Mr. William Frederick Bowerman. I am writing two blogs of the day. It is split it two parts, second one starts at the bottom of the first. It's quite long. You might need to pack a lunch.

6.30 am Woke up an hour early because I'm so excited. William is one of the funniest people I know plus he always smells amazing and has taught me a lot about how men should dress. He's my politically incorrect northern brother.

Going to sit and watch the sunrise and do some Noel Edmunds visualisation so all our dreams for the album come true.

6.35 am oh Sunnydale hell mouth why am I awake so early this is stupid I hate my brain. My eyes hurt and I feel like a smoker was sick in my mouth (I don't smoke so this is weird).

6.38 am Maybe I can go back to sleep

6.39 am There are a lot of photos of myself on my phone. If this ever got stolen I would be so embarrassed. I mean they're not embarrassing - I'm not Rhianna - they're just selfies. Like Cher Horowitz I don't trust mirrors and it's nearly impossible to get Polaroid film these days. Plus a selfie on a Polaroid would be so difficult. My arm won't bend that way.

6.43 am Just remembered when I was trying to show our publisher some footage of a crowd on my phone and it kept flicking to the photo afterwards which was of the outfit I was wearing. Oh gad.

6.45 am Great! Now I have opened the floodgates of cringe and all these awesome memories are pouring out!

6.46 am Last year I told Stephen Fry he has a voice like gravy.

6. 47 am When I was thirteen I was getting changed on a beach and my towel dropped and this boy I had a crush on saw. I was so devastated.

6.48 am but Stephen Fry has got a voice like gravy! It is thick and warm. Fuck it I am owning this.

6.49 am That boy I liked had curtains. Remember when curtains on a boy were really amazing? Then suddenly they were so gross? And now they're totally awesome again? Fashion eh?

6.50 am I don't think Jeremy would suit curtains.

6.51 am He could get an earring though. Love a little hoop earring on a boy.

6.52 am Although maybe not with glasses? Too much accoutrement?

6.54 am Argh I should get up.

6.57 am OK I'm getting up. Going to watch cartoons.

9.08 am Got a seat on the tube feeling pretty great.

10.12 am This is where we will be recording today:

It's called the pool but Stephen says it was never actually a pool.

10.43 am Having a tea.

Mug is out of shot. Or in shot, depending on how you feel about Jeremy hahahahaha.

11.20 am William is ready!

We've caught up on all his news and he's grown stubble! Not, while we've been talking, I think it takes a bit longer than that. He's now banging away at his drums, and our engineer Joseph is making sure it's all mic'd up correctly. Joseph has a beautiful Irish accent. I cannot be around people with accents without unintentionally mimicking them. This is going to be a very testing day.

11.22 am The first song we're going to track is provisionally called 'Two Chords'. It's one of my favourites on the album, it's one of our longest songs, and it's all about how life is really hard and monotonous sometimes but then you realise you're nothing and you'll just die one day, so chill out and have a biscuit. Jeremy's guitar part on the intro is gorgeous, he gets such amazing sounds.

I will just interview Jeremy about how he got this particular "vibe".

"I used the Boss DD6 loop function to create short, strutting loops which played at the same time as the original chord".

I really hope someone tries to do that at home and sends it to us. Imagine if this album got leaked because I explained how we did everything and then someone recreated it.

I am very much enjoying using italics, I shan't lie.

Are you happy with this song Jeremy?

"Err...I'll be happy once the drums are good" WAY TO PUT PRESSURE ON WILLIAM JEREMY, JESUS.

11.30 am Just chatting.

11.31 am I really need to pee but I can't be bothered to get up. This is called studio malaise. Jeremy is reading reddit. He just found this picture:

"The lady gave them a USB key with a picture on it that she wanted them to make into a cake. They didn't really understand".

11.34 am Jeremy has just announced that teenagers in Ireland are all wearing burgandy, it's the new trend. Both Stephen and Joseph are wearing burgandy. I feel like such an unfashionable dunce.

11.35 am Correction, the correct term for said colour is "Oxblood".

11.54 am William is wearing a Nike fuel band which works out how many calories you burn doing stuff. Can't wait to see how much drumming gets him.

11.57 am We're recording. This is so freaking exciting. (Still haven't peed).

11.59 am Stephen is such a wonderful producer. He's just so good at listening, and when you're in the booth he seems only to make tiny tweaks but somehow everything sounds so much better.

12.08 pm Jeremy is kinda sorta almost dancing.

12.09 pm Ditto Stephen.

12.11 pm First take is declared "fantastic". We call William the one-take wonder.

12.27 pm When Jeremy and I are writing we like to get our demos as close to finished as possible, but one of the sticking points is always the drums. Neither of us are very good drummers. You can of course program them or sample breaks, but it's always limiting. I'm sure we would have far more guitar-based songs (rock horns) if we wrote with a drummer, mainly because I personally find it very difficult to hear past programmed drums and the possibilities that adding real drums later might bring. I veto a LOT of songs. That's kind of my job in the band. Jeremy is the talented one. I am the veto-er. So today is wonderful. The lift and energy William brings to songs makes so much difference. Plus he always knows what he's doing and can try hundreds of different things.

12.33 pm I'm trying to upload a video from my phone but Kies air won't let me because it says I haven't got fucking Java installed. So I've installed it and it's still not bloody working. Android problems.

12.36 pm FIRST SONG DONE. Stephen says William is an excellent drummer. This is what an excellent drummer looks like:

12.40 pm William just said that the Obamas are "a family just like us". Don't know how to break it to him that we're not actually his parents.

12.52 pm Juuuuuust bloggin'.

12.54 pm The next song we're doing is called 'Clay'. Again, working title. I love this song, and I'm allowed to say that mainly because I didn't have that much to do with the writing of it. 99.9999% of the time we write totally together, but every now and then Jeremy will have a day on his own and come up with something. This was one of those times, as was 'Round The Moon'. It's always amazing for me when that happens, because for once I have complete objectivity and can say yes, love it, or no, hate it. I can be very harsh. When we have a song I don't like it actually makes me angry, sort of like, "how could we possibly think this would be right?" I almost feel insulted. I'm sure I've hurt Jeremy's feelings a lot because of it, but thankfully he forgives me. I am desperate for this song to go on the album, but our label aren't too sure. Hopefully William's drums will help.

Anyway I think this song is about the pottery scene in 'Ghost'.

13.05 pm Getting hungry.

13.09 pm One of my favourite parts of this song is that it gradually speeds up. There was a point during writing when we kept having every song gradually speed up. You get into ruts when writing. If you have an idea and it works out, for a while afterwards you keep starting off with that same idea because you think it's the secret magical way into writing. Of course it never works. Pretentious metaphor alert: Good songs are like the common cold. Always mutating, elusive, but instantly identifiable. Or a room where you finally get the key but the next day the locks have been changed. Or a puppy that grows up and pees on your bed then makes you smell it.

13.14 pm I just said "When are we going to track 'Ghost Train' for this album?" No one laughed.

OK end of part one of the blog. More later this afternoon.

x

PART TWO OF THE BLOG AFTER THE BREAK CLICK READ MORE....

13.51 pm I just realised I am in a chair with wheels. Know how I'm spending the next three hours. #sliding

13.52 pm HE'S DONE IT. Second track pretty much, well, tracked. He says he burnt 200 calories in two takes.

15.03 pm Had a break for lunch. William found a sandwich bag and immediately put it on his head.

He also had to take a lot of calls. "Sell sell sell, buy buy buy"

We go to a deli near the studio which has these babies:

It's like dragging someone who likes poppies to an opium den.

15.04 pm The third track we're doing today has a working title I don't want to write. So I won't. DON'T LOOK AT ME! This song has a really tough beat, so we're all trying to explain it to William. Everybody has different sounds they make for drums. Jeremy's are "bum gah bum bum gah". Sometimes it sounds like he's saying "gak" instead of "gah". Bum gak.
This song's lyrics are about how everything is recycled and sometimes it feels like you can never do anything new and people just complain about the same stuff and that's kind of depressing. It's, like, so deep.

15.09 pm Jeremy says he isn't happy "with the grace note". This is what wikipedia says the grace note is:

"A grace note represents an ornament, and distinguishing whether a given singular grace note is to be played as an appoggiatura or acciaccatura in the performance practice of a given historical period (or in the practice of a given composer) is usually the subject of lively debate."

I am ALWAYS up for a lively debate.

15.13 pm OH MY GOODNESS THE SIMPSONS GAME ON THE IPAD HAS UPDATED AND NOW I CAN SEND VALENTINES TO PEOPLE ON IT.

15.14 pm A certain pop songstress is in the studio next door, writing for her next album. I am not allowed to say who she is, but I heard a bit as I walked past. She's moved in a bit of a different direction and you guys are going to be really excited.

15.16 pm Richard X is also working in this set of studios. He's really nice. We talked to him at lunch about the Liberty X reunion. What are your thoughts and feelings about Heaton et al? Apparently Michelle used the reunion to reveal her new boobs. Is it time for the return? Where are the Sugababes?! (Classic line up).

Track three done! record time!

Aw best friends:

15.24 pm We all agree that Al Pacino playing Phil Spector seems a bit strange.

15.26 pm We might put claps on this track. Last time we did claps on a song Stephen came in and did them with us. It was pretty preeeeetty cool.

15.32 pm The back of Stephen's head is so lovely.

15.40 pm Jeremy is threatening to hi-jack the blog.

Hi! Jeremy here. Elizabeth says I have to use this font because it's "more manly". Just thought everyone would appreciate some technical info about how we're putting these tracks down?! So first off we always use Dunlop 1/5" aluminimum-titanium alloy lugnut-tighteners for all our lugnut-tightening needs. You need really tight lugnuts to get a good sound obvs. Also we only use central heating. Fan heaters cause extra ground noise on all non-AC/DC sub-normalised QRT transformers and obviously you don't want that! Finally instead of reverb on this album we're mostly using flange.

15.43 pm I never really cared about Sharpies before I was in a band. Now when I see one lying around I have an almost uncontrollable urge to steal it. I won't steal this one though.

16.06 pm William is insisting I write that he's just put a photo on instagram with no filter. I've never seen him look so happy.

16.11 pm While Stephen sorts the takes out, Jeremy sent me this.

16.36 pm Fourth and final song of the day. Working title 'The End'. This song is really weird. It has a key change. Lyrically it's kind of a conceit about letting go of stuff...I think we were trying to be "clever". Five minutes ago there was a lot of discussion about whether or not we should do the open and closed high hats at the same time, but now that's all forgotten as William once more takes his seat behind the drums. Just him and the music. Keeping it real.

16.41 pm Finally got the video from earlier onto my laptop. You can watch William drumming in it and also hear a bit of one of the new songs.

16.44 pm One of the most exciting parts of today, other than seeing William and getting the songs even closer to being finished, is that we can talk about how we're going to do everything live. The three of us love planning the live stuff. What songs we'll start at, who will play what, good moments, what we'll end on...We miss touring so much. I'm going to play toms on this one. I went to toms school over the summer. It was really had to find the classes so I took a tom tom.

17.47 pm WE'RE DONE that's it, thank you so much for being here with us and trekking through the blog. Love you loads.

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Article 16

February 4, 2013, 7:59 am

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I'm not sure when 90's fashion became suitable for a revival, it was probably more a slow trickle than a flood. Boy London is once more was iconic, and I want to wear my hair curly to emulate Darlene from Roseanne.

I want bomber jackets and high waisted jeans, and maxi skirts and cropped roll necks, and clumpy shoes and filled in brows. Darker lips and paler skin, when once just the idea of wearing a body suit would have given me chills.

Which makes me wonder if a revival of the 2000's is next. I think it just might be. Especially since the idea of watching All Saints on Top Of The Pops is gradually becoming more and more inspiring.

But obviously not all of the 2000's will be revived. We'll start off with the early years.

Last night we went to see 10 Things I Hate About You at the Prince Charles Cinema in London with some Beyond Clueless backers. It was really fun. The PCC's showings are always totally bodacious experiences that I recommend highly. The film was excellent, of course, but I was totally fixated on Julia Styles' Katarina Stratford. She. Looked. Incredible. So I am going to take you through some of her looks so that when I start dressing like this over summer you'll know why.

I put the subtitles on because it's nice to have things to read.

OK, so I'm not crazy on the camo, Liberty X kind of ruined that for me, but we have to start at the beginning and be prepared to be open-minded about it all.

Love the jewelry here, double hoop earrings and some kind of Celtic necklace.

Lolz:

Not thaaaaat into Larisa Oleynik's look in the film.

For the record boys, Heath Ledger's look is perfect in this movie.

Completely pro this outfit.

Plus it's the first look at her incredible hair. Why did she cut it?! There is no explanation on Wikipedia. Obviously it's her hair and she's allowed to cut it, but it's so perfect. It's magic fairytale hair.

Terrible screengrab, but is that a crochet mini skirt?!

Love her makeup here.

This this this. Purple/navy jaquard trousers, cut off top, grotty cardigan, and the hair in all it's glory.

Let's look at that hair a bit closer...

The plaits make me weep with joy.

This is very adorable.

She's wearing a big skull ring on her middle finger which is so rad, but you're just going to have to take my word for it.

I think my favourite of her outfits is the one she wears in the famous flashing and pedalo scenes.

Simple. Classic. Pedalos.

Little sparkly cardigan.

YES LARISA

Boom, she knocks it out the park.

In the cinema everyone laughed at the bit where she's in the tire swing. It is a bit waa waa waa call the waambulance.

P-P-P-Prom outfits.

Larisa's is awful. In the cinema when her dad says, "What are you wearing?" and she replies, "It's a prom dress daddy", a girl shouted "NO IT'S NOT".

We all laughed.

Great outfit for some emo sketching.

When I'm down I also draw a big eye.

And last but not least, the poem scene outfit. So gorgeous.

Great shirt.

Great plait.

Great two tone net polyester skirt.

Great tears.

Kat and Pat forever.

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Article 15

February 6, 2013, 10:33 am

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After writing about Kat's style in 10 Things I Hate About You my friend Rory introduced me to this Twin Peaks tumblr. Suddenly I was in love with the 90's again, in particular the look of Shelley Johnson, the long-suffering waitress. Hopefully the following photos will explain why she's so dope.

Double collar jacket:

Acid wash skirt yo:

Blue knitwear and bouffant low bun dawg:

Lacy sheer shirt and tartan coat, let's do this:

Love how black her brows are:

Looking sad in crushed velvet:

Looking happy in that sheer shirt again:

Alice band and bright blue silk dressing gown? Don't mind if I do:

Scummy big brown coat, pink tights and rusty socks. Why not:

This is just perfect. Everything about it:

That over the shoulder hair sweep and hoop earrings should win awards:

Look at how outside the lines she does her lipstick.

Look how silly this photo is.

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Article 14

February 9, 2013, 7:23 am

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What happened? Is he OK?

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Article 13

February 14, 2013, 6:36 am

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Happy Galentines Day!

Have an awesome Thursday. And don't let Valentine shit on your parade.

xxx

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Article 12

February 17, 2013, 8:10 am

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I am really enjoying 'Utopia'. Dennis "Pulling" Kelly has managed to twist something brilliant out of a premise that sounded kind of strange upon first reading. A comic book that people are so desperate to get their hands on they'll *SPOILER ALERT* frame a pre-teen boy for shooting up his school? Um. But it's brilliant. It makes 'Black Mirror' look cosy. In fact I had to walk out of the room for one scene in the first episode. If you've seen it you'll know which bit I'm talking about (spoon).

The characters are perfect, each one a shade of good and bad - revolting and stupid at times, empathetic and beautiful at others. I'm in awe of the writing, I can't believe I'm starting to care about a particular murderous mouth-breather, when three weeks ago he was starring in my nightmares.

I also love how much it expects of it's audience. I'm tense throughout, I need to re-watch the series again to see what I missed, and it is awesomely, beautifully shot. The colours cranked up to 11, the music jumpy and weird. And the foley of a rubber bag has become number three in my list of Top Five Most Disturbing Sounds.

But most importantly, people are starting to gif it on tumblr. That's the ultimate stamp of approval.

I don't know how to do a gif, so I did some MS Paint art about it instead. I focused on the most important elements of the show.

Anyway, I highly recommend it.

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Article 11

February 21, 2013, 7:20 am

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Homemade Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

Let's do this.

You'll need:

150g of peanut butter. I used smooth, but I think crunchy would work well too. I just wasn't feeling that adventurous.
Icing sugar. At least 100g, but you probably won't need to use all that.
300g of milk chocolate.
Cupcake cases
A fridge.
Opposable thumbs.

Melt 200g of the chocolate by putting a thick bottomed round dish over a saucepan of water. Bring the water to the boil and then when the chocolate starts melting turn the heat right down so the chocolate doesn't burn.

When the chocolate has melted put about one and a half tablespoons into a cupcake case. I then used a little brush to get the chocolate onto the sides of the case. You could also use a spoon.

EXTREME CLOSE UP:

When you've done each one put it in the fridge so the chocolate sets. This recipe made 10 peanut butter cups for me. I had a bit of melted chocolate left over which I kept for later.

Put the peanut butter in a bowl and add the icing sugar gradually, a tablespoon at a time until you're happy with the taste and the consistency.

This is my favourite peanut butter.

The first time I did these I added too much icing sugar and the mixture became too crumbly, so go easy there soldier. I also added a bit of sea salt at this point but you don't have too.

When the chocolate in the cases has set, take them out the fridge and put a tablespoon of the peanut butter mixture into them.

Press the mix down with the back of a spoon to make it even. Melt the rest of the chocolate with the left over melted chocolate (if you haven't eaten it) and then cover the peanut butter with chocolate.

Put them in the fridge again. Wait and hour, then eat them.

Variations:
You could use dark chocolate, or white. Or you could use dark chocolate for the bottom and then milk or white for the top so they're stripy. Or you could marble the chocolate together.

You could use different types of nut butter, or make your own!

You could use muffin cases and make HUGE ones.

That is all.
x

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Article 10

March 2, 2013, 7:05 am

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STUFF FROM THE INTERNET

1. Lena Dunham auditioning for the lead in 'Zero Dark Thirty'.

(Not real. Also, a bit too long).

2. This is my favourite dress from Hollywood.

3. This is my favourite moment from Hollywood.

I'm sure you've all already seen it.

4. Beyonce's documentary.
I think Beyonce is incredible. She is a consummate professional. She's immensely driven and talented. She seems intelligent and confident. She's in control. She's awesome. She fills me with awe.

But her documentary 'Life Is But A Dream' was super weird. This article explains that weirdness far better than I could. Believe me, I've tried.

In short, I don't think it was a documentary because the only person talking in it is Beyonce, so what we get is Beyonce telling us what we should think about Beyonce. Ultimately she didn't need to make something that was supposedly going to reveal the "real her", mainly because she seems way too in control of everything for it to work. Besides, we like her enough already.

5. This blew my mind.

An essay by one of the ghost writers of the Sweet Valley High series. This woman penned my pre-teen dreams.

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Article 9

March 17, 2013, 9:03 am

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So a couple of months ago I did some writing for this new American site called The Talkhouse. It launched this week, and is looking preeeeetty preeeetty preeeeeeeetty good.

Their idea is to get lots of different types of people talking about music who aren't "journalists". Which isn't to say they don't think journalists aren't awesome. Also the reviews are focused on slightly different angles than just good or bad. I wrote about Pink because I think she's insanely talented but for some reason she's not very...present. Anyway, the piece is here.
x

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Article 8

March 17, 2013, 11:35 am

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Here is a video of a young Ryan Gosling showing a camera crew around his hometown. That is all.

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Article 7

March 18, 2013, 3:34 am

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Sybilla Findley is one of my best friends. We used to live together in New Cross when I was at Goldsmiths and she was at Camberwell, and she's one of the people who has seen me through the best and worst of times. Now she sings back up for Gabriel Bruce and others, has a gluten free food blog, is a freelance make up artist, and all-round hilarious goober. She's also one of the most stylish people I know, managing to look edgy and cool on a teeny budget. I decided to interview her so I could steal all her secrets. Below is said interview, it's pretty much a straight transcription.

Hi Sybilla.
Hi. Shoot.

What are the five words you would use to describe your own style?
[Intense coughing fit]. My tea went down the wrong hole.

That's what your mum said.
OK five words. Confident. Bold. Sometimes classic. Changeable. How many? Five? Colourful.

Your style always seems so inspired. Do you have websites and magazines you look at regularly?
I look at Cobrasnake. I got to magazines quite a lot, like Vogue, if I don't know what to wear. I look at pinterest not really for fashion more for genres of style. I'll search for 90's. I also look at celebrities I like for example Nicole Richie. Oh god, you know who I love? Charlotte Free. I've been obsessed with her for ages. I based my pink hair on her when I had it.

Charlotte Free photographed by Terry Richardson.

You just had your hair orangey red dyed yesterday, but you've been playing with colours a lot.
I did dye it yesterday. I wanted something a bit more bright and my roots needed re-doing. This is going to be a really boring interview, just make stuff up. I allow you to bullshit.

When I first met you your hair was in a black bob.
Yes. Lego head.

And the first time I met you, you were wearing black and red leopard print jeans, and ballet shoes.
Oh and we all played dream phone in the basement.

Oh god. We're ridiculous. You were wearing a pink fluffy top.
Yes, my pink cardigan with hearts on it. Complete fucking clash.

It looked amazing. Over the years your look has changed so much, so much more than most people I know.
My key is: never chuck anything away. I've still got those jeans.

Do you have a massive wardrobe?
No, I stuff it all in. Yeah, keep everything, re-use, it will always come back round.

If you were going to style someone like Cheryl Cole, how would you do it?
I'd love to put her in a big black Boy London T-Shirt and a Supreme Hat. Reminiscent of Katy Price in Wonderland.

Or dungarees. I'd make her look like she hadn't washed.

Which designers do you like?
To be fair, I'm not mad on designers. Who's that guy? Jeremy...

Scott?
Google it. I like his stuff. I quite like Acne - although I could never afford it - for solid pieces like a leather jacket...but I get stuff from charity shops.

Well, yeah, that's what I also admire about you is how you -
[Interrupting] Nike. Is that a designer?

I think so, you know I love Nike. But yes, you always look great on a budget. I've seen you pharmacy shopping and it's a joy to behold.
Yes I love pharmacies. Scrunchies, colourful hairbands and also all the cute makeup bags.

The contents of Sybilla's bag.

Where are the best charity shops?
The best stuff you find ever is in Bex Hill where I grew up. In fact any town that is a retirement town is going to be an amazing charity shop resource. Loads of rich people go there to die, because it's chilled, and then they...you know...

I remember you used to wear a child's rain jacket which looked great.
Oh yeah! God I forgot about that, I might start wearing that again. I go through phases of honing in on a couple of things, and then the top part of my wardrobe has loads of shit I forget about, so then I fish them out.

Do you buy online or eBay?
No, do you know what, I don't, I can't do it. I need to see it. Also I sold some stuff on eBay and the process is just a ball-ache.

Would you ever have your own store?
Ideally I want to get stuff from charity shops...but then I see all this amazing stuff and then I want to keep it. But I do think it would be good to get things from charity shops and then sell it on a site. But loads of places do that already. Cobrasnake does that.

Do you have any looks on Facebook that you detag?
There's some things when I feel like I look on the chubbier side, even if I'm not. But haircuts? Yeah. I wish I'd never done the bowl cut.

I loved the bowl cut.
Did you? Well generally I'm always quite happy with my outfits. Actually there was one dress I got from Gap that Alexa Chung had and it always made me look really crap and frumpfree.

Frumpfree?
Frumpy frumpfree. Are there any that you think were bad choices for me?

Oh fucking hell so many.
[Giggles]. How would you describe my style?

I don't know because it changes so much. And I'll see you wearing something and I'll think, "Wow, I've never seen anyone wearing anything like that before" and then a month later suddenly loads of girls will be wearing something similar. For example sheepskin coats at the moment.
I think I pick things up...subliminally. I just go for it. When I'm trying to decide on an outfit I'll try loads of things on but won't necessarily be going for a particular look. Also I feel like I've been dressing 90's vibes - oh please don't say that - 90's ish for so long. When we lived together we'd dress like that anyways.

I don't know, I thought I dressed more 80's.
But your minor threat T-shirt.

I guess. It all just blurs. suddenly with Tumblr it's much more focused But 6 years ago if I'd thought about wearing high-waisted jeans with a big belt and a body I would have wanted to vomit all over myself, but now I'm into it. I watched a Take That documentary the other day and in my head I was remembering how awful their outfits were, but when I saw them again I realised they looked incredible. Curtains, waistcoats high-waisted jeans, backward hats with little hoop earrings.
So hot. Talking of, I thought that guy was the guy from Take That [points to someone in the cafe] when you said that. It's not...Jason Orange? [We both decide it's not Jason Orange]

What's the lamest thing about being into clothes?
Just that there are more important things than clothes.

Where is the most stylish area of London?
I don't want to say East London. I kind of love North London, Kings Cross is getting really good. There's a huge charity shop in Brixton that's amazing. Brixton is the best part of London.

Which high street shops do you love?
When I was younger I used to shop in Tammy Girl and New Look 915. That was New Look for teens. I was a bit of a tart, actually. Do you remember those things that were a strappy crop top made of really horrible material with thin straps, and attached to it was a maxi skirt with a split down the middle, with hot pants that came with it? I had a lot of them. I also bought ridiculous high heels from the market. I remember my first ever heels were from Shelleys, I went up to London with my mum. I wish I had taken a photo of them because they were so repulsive. They were covered in every colour of jewel you can imagine, these crystal gems, and they had a little heel. Like a clog but not cloggy. I got blisters every time I wore them.

When I was a kid I used to get up every Saturday morning and make myself this ridiculous breakfast - crumpets, hot chocolate with whipped cream, cereal and orange juice. And I'd do it while wearing this satin dressing gown -
You were pretending you were like a -

Diva?
An idiot.

And I'd be wearing my favourite shoes - these little pink mules with fluff on them.
I've always wanted some of those, desperately. Now for high street shops my favourite is H&M for things like T-shirts and jumpers, and I've got a couple of pairs of shoes from them.

DISCLAIMER: These are not the shoes she's bought from H&M

I feel like all the good vintage has gone.
It has, it has all disappeared. And now they're doing customisation.

Is there a phrase or a slogan that sums up your style?
Try before you buy [Laughs uncontrollably].

Gluten free cupcake.

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Article 6

March 21, 2013, 5:30 am

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About two years ago I decided to embrace my curly hair. Embrace isn't the right word, you embrace free speech and gay rights . I decided to stop straightening my hair. This was after a lifetime of not knowing how to deal with my hair in its natural state. When I was a kid I had a Lego-head bob that my Mum would spend an hour blow drying. One poignant memory is of a summer day, I must have been about six. I remember sitting in my pink bedroom, the window open and the smell of blossoms wafting in. I could hear my sister probably running around outside. She was with my Dad having The Best Time Ever while my poor Mum spent ages brushing my hair into a shiny bowl. Then I went outside. My Dad wanted to take photos of me and my sister looking nice. I have the photo now. I can remember my ears were still hot from the hairdryer as I sat in my little plastic chair in the sun.

I carried on blowdrying my hair until I was sixteen and my Mum bought me and my sister some GHDs. My Mum is great like that. GHDs changed my life. I say that without exaggeration or irony. My hair finally looked straight. Sometimes I would wear my hair curly, say on holiday or in summer when it got too hot to sit in my room and have an instrument that expelled 230 degree heat near my head. (Nothing worse than finishing straightening your hair only to have it curling at the roots because of your sweat. Lovely). When I did wear it curly my female friends would get excited, "Why don't you always wear it like that?!" but my boyfriends were less encouraging, "You look like you work in an office" is a quote that has always stayed with me. Mainly because, um, what does that mean?

The worst thing was how thin and broken my hair got. I didn't cut it for several years yet it got continually shorter. Also, burnt ears. It's very easy to burn your ears with GHDs. So finally I stopped. I still have my GHDs but they're under my bed covered in dust.

I started reading blogs about having curly hair. There are so many blogs. So many methods, so many ways of categorising what type of curly hair you have. I'm a 3B, represent. There were books about it, perhaps the most famous being 'The Curly Girl' (the title made my friend Louise wet herself laughing) by Lorraine Massey which advocates the 'no-poo' method, where you don't use shampoo, you just use conditioner. "BUT CONDITIONER WITHOUT SILICONES" everyone shouted at me on the many, many forums. (I do this method and it's fucking brilliant). Basically once I looked into it I found thousands of women all talking about the thing that I had always felt kind of alone with, and I shan't lie - it was emotional. Massey's book starts with a checklist of all the things women with curly hair worry about when they're heat-treating their hair. Every single one was applicable to me.

It might seem like I'm taking this a bit too seriously, but people with naturally curly hair take it really, really, seriously. Massey's book has testimonials from people with curly hair about how hard and tragic their life was as someone curly. It talks about how people with curly hair are maligned in society and popular culture. How we're fed images of girls with straight hair and told they're beautiful. I got a bit sucked in. Why weren't their more natural curls on TV? I was being discriminated against! I am part of a mistreated minority!

Kinda. Anyway, it's taken me a long time to feel happy with my dumb hair. Oh god this is so much to write about the dead stuff on my head. But, hey, I want to talk about it. Maybe some of you do too?

Hair, eh?!
I can post links to good blogs etc. if anyone is interested.

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Article 5

March 28, 2013, 7:33 am

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Jeremy and I are currently re-watching 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'. We started at Season 4 because our friend Ellie said that was where it got good (if you want to dispute that, she is the woman to troll). Season 4 is also when Tara is introduced to the story. Amber Benson is insanely rad, as of course is Alyson Hannigan. And I love Tara and Willow, they're an amazing couple. So what I am about to say is not meant as an insult towards the actors or the characters they play...

BUT HOLY HELL WHAT TERRIBLE OUTFITS.

The styling on BTVS is sometimes good, sometimes questionable and always very 2001, but for some reason the wardrobe department targeted Willow and Tara and dressed them in often outrageous garb. Snot hues seem to have been the main colour palate they were working from. Eyeshadow was applied with wild abandon. Chokers were "it". I've chosen some of the best/worst examples of their costumes, and I am going to dissect them now. But please know it is done with love and a desire to try to understand, I am not here to drive a stake into the bleeding, pulsing heart of their love.

1. Willow: "Why are you guys being weird with me today?"

2. Willow: "No seriously Buffy, it's just a tablecloth I wrapped around my legs, great huh?"
Buffy: "Mm hm" *moves further away*

3. Willow: "See I knew you'd get my outfit Tara. You're always using cool found objects as clothes, like me".

Tara: "Yes, for example today I jazzed up my famous maroon outfit with a Japanese inspired sash I found".

4. Willow: "Well I like Tara's colossal stone-washed denim skirt".

5. Willow: "Lace-hemmed jeans are going to be huge this time next year"

Tara: "Yeah Giles".

6. Oz: "Look, the real reason I left Sunnydale was that coat"
Willow: "Oh".

7. Willow: "Can you imagine how thrilled I was when I found these tights that match the colour of my green skirt EXACTLY?!"
Oz: "Sadly, I can".

8. Willow: "I just took a photo of your outfit and uploaded it to my computer and it broke the internet"

Tara: "Not again".

7. Willow: "Whats the point of us wearing the same T-shirt if you're going to cover it with a cardigan?"

8. Willow: "Someone once said, 'You can never have too much tie dye. And that mixing pink and red is always a good idea'".
Xander: "Who was this person?"
Willow: "Me".

9. Tara: "My shawl is so amazing I'm sending out postcards to tell people about it".
Willow: "Mention my crochet jumper too please".

10. Willow: "We should go to every party dressed in red and green"
Tara: "It's always Christmas when we're around"

11. Willow: "Why are you being so mean about my pink and turd pajamas?!"

12. Joyce (thinking): "I've just had a flipping brain tumor removed. Now I have to deal with Willow's weird arm-tassle cardigan? FFS"

13. Willow: "Oh no, that cameraman fell over again...ugh is he being sick?"
Buffy: "You. Have. To. Stop. Wearing. That. Pink. Paper. Skirt. With. Those. Grubby. Brown. Trainers."

14. Willow: "I don't care that you think my cute slogan T-shirts are what opened the hell mouth. I like them".

15. Buffy: "Why don't you get it? Floral maxi skirts are MY THING"

Willow: "I hate you here. In my brain".

16. Willow: "I'm so pleased they let us make the wigs for Spike and Angel in the 18th Century flashback scene"

17. Tara: "See, magic IS fashionable"

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